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I took a very Freudian approach to understand my own smoking fetish, and it is plain simple. My mother always smoked a lot, even when she was pregnant of me (she only stopped while pregnant of my younger brother). Also, I had a lot of smokers aunts in my childhood. When you are a babie, there are all those wonderful women who gives you care, who caresses you -- Freud would sya, they give you the main pleasures you need when you are a baby. As many of them smoked, something in my mind linked smoking to pleasure -- and thatīs all. In fact, I think my mother smokes very ugly and has no fun with it, she simply smokes. I have no special attraction to her, no way. There is no link between her smoking and the way I like smoking girls -- but I think that Freud was right and the influence is obvious.
I remember I was very very young when I started admiring women who smoked. Used to have dreams with girls smoking around. Much before internet, I used to imagine wonderful painted lips full of pouring smoke. Some women who worked at my home (those who perform the domestic jobs, I donīt know how to call them in English) smoked as well and I would steal cigarettes from them, or they would even give me some. I would get very excited in smoking openly in front of them when there was nobody else at home, as if it was something very natural. I remember one of those girls, who did not smoke, but once she stole some cigarettes from my motherīs pack just for me and gave them to me when I woke up! I think I was 12 or 13 back then and it was sooo nice and exciting...
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