Follow Ups Post Followup Dark Side Forum
Empowered by cigarettes pt3
 Author: P June 19, 2003 at 09:26:25 
    As usual hope you enjoy
Cheers
P

Adele became more and more nervous as she prepared herself psychologically for the visit to her mothers, what should she say, and would they even let her in? Most of the morning she spent deliberating whether she should call first or just turn up, by 12 o’clock she realised that she’d nervously chain smoked her way through almost 20 cigarettes and would have to retrieve a fresh pack from the kitchen cupboard. As she reached up to grab a pack from the carton in the cupboard she noticed that her index and middle finger had started to stain yellow from the nicotine of all the cigarettes she had been smoking, she’d seen stains like these but much darker a thousand times before on her mothers fingers, a permanent reminder of the Pall Malls she chain smoked, even Tracy had yellow stains on her fingers the last time they had been together a result of her 2 pack a day Marlboro habit.
Adele thought back to how she used to feel at the sight of this only days before, how the effects of smoking revolted her into hating her addiction. Maybe if her mother was different and hadn’t encouraged her daughters smoking habits they would have been different, but it was so easy when they were kids at home, her mother and father both chain smokers seemed oblivious to the fact that they were exposing both their young daughters to cigarette smoke almost constantly. It was common for either one of them to leave unfinished cigs burning away in ashtrays while they left the room; it was one of these unfinished cigarettes that became both Adele and her sisters first steps into addiction. Adele’s body tingled as she remembered those first few tentative puffs from one of her mother’s unfiltered cigarettes and how when she finally inhaled how the thick unfiltered smoke made her cough so much tears came to her eyes, for weeks afterwards she had smoked at every opportunity until she could finally inhale properly without coughing, she carried on like this with her little secret aware of the dangers even when her father dieing of cancer had finally made his final journey to the hospital never to return. It was on the drive home from the hospital numb with emotion that Adele’s world would change dramatically. Unbeknownst to her though her younger sister had also been experimenting with smoking and far from being the unconfident child like Adele never seemed to worry what others thought of her.
Adele remembered the night vividly, as her mother pulled out of the hospital car park, fumbling to light the cigarette dangling from her lips. Tracy her 13-year-old sister calmly took her mothers pack of Pall Malls and lit one, passing it to her mother exchanging it for the unlit one that she had been fumbling to lit. Her mother never even batted an eyelid as Tracy returned the unlit cigarette to her mothers pack, and then calmly removed a pack of Marlboro Reds from her own purse and lit up, her 13 year olds cheeks hollowing deeply as her young lungs sought the thick cancerous smoke they desired so much.
Moments later a look of devilment in her eyes Tracy had proffered her Marlboro’s to Adele who shyly accepted with sidelong glances at her mother embarrassed yet hungry to feed her growing addiction.
Never a word was said about smoking between them, the only changes being that the next day an ashtray appeared in the girls bedroom, placed there by their mother before she had left for work and a note was left on the table asking them which brand of cigarettes she needed to get them from the store when she went that evening. Tracy stuck to her Marlboro Reds that it turned out she had been getting a much older local girl to buy her for the last few months, Adele on the other hand had never before had her own pack of cigarettes, being much to shy and embarrassed to ask people so was unsure what to go for, she knew that it wasn’t done for school girls to smoke the unfiltered cigarettes like her mothers that she had been smoking regularly, and she didn’t want to stand out so she plumped for Marlboro lights, it seemed that most of the popular girls smoked these.
That night when their mother retuned from the store she had passed Tracy a carton of Marlboro Reds without comment but when she handed Adele hers she spoke.
“Damn waste of good money smoking these wimpy cigarettes girl, you need to take a leaf out of Tracy’s book and get yourself some decent smokes.”
Adele had just mumbled thanks and rushed of to her room to be on her own, when she later returned down stairs to watch TV her mother and sister were already smoking up a storm and chatting. Adele remembered that first Marlboro light she’d hated it, and to be honest for all the years she had been a lights smoker she never did like them, but again as had been so common in her life so far she stuck to the lights to “fit in”.
From those early days Adele became more and more alienated from her mother and sister, she hated the way that with them everything seemed to revolve around smoking. It seemed that every time she saw them they were smoking, her sister seemed almost permanently sat on the couch smoking and watching TV. Deep down now the new Adele could see that from those early formative years she had always deep down had a sense of jealousy for their relationship and life style. Now Adele was finally beginning to realise that the life style she had always hated so much was the one that she truly desired, how she would love to spend an evening with her mother and sister and just sit and smoke, not worrying about this and that and what others thought. She no longer cared what others thought of them, if they were happy so what if it disgusted other people.
From deep down in her psyche then thoughts began to come unbidden as she stared at the stains on her fingers, slowly she unwrapped the cellophane from the pack of cigarettes and removing the foil she extracted a fresh cigarette, placing it between her lips she lit it inhaling as deeply as her lungs would allow, all the while her mind lingered on the tars from the smoke absorbing into her blackening lungs. This is it, she thought as she inhaled another deep lungful on top of the first; this is what I’ve been trying to hide from for so long.
“Ohh, I love the tar from my cigarettes soaking into my lungs, am not scared any more I just want to be me, I want to fill every inch of my body with smoke”
Sucking harder and harder on her cigarette Adele, finally finished it within the space of a minute, she quickly extinguished the long hot but in her kitchen ashtray and lighting up another cigarette she sat by her phone and dialled her mothers house with tears in her eyes.
“Hello?” said her mother voice from the other end of the line.
“Mom, its me Adele I’m so sorry, I’ve been lying to myself and you for so long, I love you, I love smoking can I come around please I need to see you and Tracy, I’ve missed you so much” she sobbed
“Honey what took you so long, sure come around and we can have a family smoke out, in front of the TV”
The journey to her mothers was only about 30 minutes in the car, Adele chain-smoked most of the way, truly enjoying for the first time the feeling of thick black tar soaking into her lungs. As she drove she considered just how much of her new found feelings to tell her mother and sister, would they understand the dark thoughts that now swam around her head? What ever she told them she knew one thing for certain, of all the places in the world she could smoke as much as she liked with her mother and sister and be treated as normal and not an outcast, she truly would be for the first time in her life one of the family. 		   
 Follow Ups
 
 Post Followup