Re: Confession (Dark Side Forum)

Re: Confession
Author: P	December 5, 2002 at 04:50:05
in reply to: Confession* posted by Ipkiss on December 4, 2002 at 19:17:24*

Follow Ups
	I'm convinced its the feeling of dissappointing people close to you that causes people to smoke "in the closet". I'm just as screwed up as everyone else, mine is even weirder though. Everyone knows I smoke, family, co-workers, friends, except my girlfriend, who as you know I suspect to be a closet smoker hereself, and we've been together over three years. In the past I had always chosen dates who smoke (fetish related obviously) but when I met her I was smoking and she knew I did, but I thought that if I gave up this non smoker would date me (I was choosing love over the fetish), so I convinced myself that I could stop and we started dating, with me still smoking secretly. We now live together and I go outside to smoke (taking the dogs out is my excuse). I don't try to mask the smoke though (used to) and she never comments, she doesn't seem to notice the smell at all. I've even told her I was thinking of starting smoking again and she says don't do that. Not really convincingly either. So to get to the point, for me smoking is one thing but the risk of dissapointing her is another, whether she is smoking in the closet or not. If she comes out so do I, simply as that. Cheers P > Hey, I was just reading P's comments about his girlfriend being in the closet. Well, I have a confession to make here and perhaps some of you can help me. > I'm 24 years old and have lived about an hour and a half away from my family for about six years now. When I still lived at home and was in high school, I was the "perfect" kid (you all know the one). I didn't drink, didn't smoke, didn't swear. I pounded that personality into everyone's heads so hard that it unfortunately has carried over into my adult life. If I say something like "damn" or "hell", my family makes a big deal about it. > Anyway, I started smoking about two months after I left home, probably for the same reasons a lot you smoke. I thought a woman with a cigarette was the sexiest sight I'd ever seen. Not sure why that made ME want to start smoking but it did. > I had been dating a girl for about a month when I started and, of course, I kept my smoking a secret from her for a good three months more. I did finally "come out" to her and a few of my cousins because it was simply unavoidable. I got tired of taking "walks" and "drives" to "clear my head." > The news finally got around to my mother and it was like I had committed murder or something. Suddenly EVERYONE was aware of my smoking and kept speculating as to what could have been the bad influence in my life. (THIS is very ironic because EVERY OTHER person in my family smokes INCLUDING my mother). > Anyway, I told everyone that I had tried smoking to ease the pressures of college life, but that I hadn't liked it and had since quit. That appeased them. Aside from a few jokes and strange looks, that was the last I've heard of it. > BUT, I still smoke. Instead of seizing the moment and just fucking telling them that I was a smoker, I covered it up and am TO THIS DAY still hiding it. When my family is coming over, I hide EVERYTHING from ashtrays to pack wraps and lighters. When I go home to visit, I make sure I don't smoke at least a half hour before I go into anyone's house and that I have plenty of Eclipse gum on hand. > I feel like a CHILD. Does anyone have any speculation as to why it's so hard for me to just come clean with my family? THEY ALL SMOKE! I'm not sure why they look at me differently. > Anyway, fellas, there it is. What do you think? > > In Peace, > > Ipkiss

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