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Confession
 Author: Ipkiss December 4, 2002 at 19:17:24 
    Hey, I was just reading P's comments about his girlfriend being in the closet. Well, I have a confession to make here and perhaps some of you can help me.
I'm 24 years old and have lived about an hour and a half away from my family for about six years now. When I still lived at home and was in high school, I was the "perfect" kid (you all know the one). I didn't drink, didn't smoke, didn't swear. I pounded that personality into everyone's heads so hard that it unfortunately has carried over into my adult life. If I say something like "damn" or "hell", my family makes a big deal about it.
Anyway, I started smoking about two months after I left home, probably for the same reasons a lot you smoke. I thought a woman with a cigarette was the sexiest sight I'd ever seen. Not sure why that made ME want to start smoking but it did.
I had been dating a girl for about a month when I started and, of course, I kept my smoking a secret from her for a good three months more. I did finally "come out" to her and a few of my cousins because it was simply unavoidable. I got tired of taking "walks" and "drives" to "clear my head."
The news finally got around to my mother and it was like I had committed murder or something. Suddenly EVERYONE was aware of my smoking and kept speculating as to what could have been the bad influence in my life. (THIS is very ironic because EVERY OTHER person in my family smokes INCLUDING my mother).
Anyway, I told everyone that I had tried smoking to ease the pressures of college life, but that I hadn't liked it and had since quit. That appeased them. Aside from a few jokes and strange looks, that was the last I've heard of it.
BUT, I still smoke. Instead of seizing the moment and just fucking telling them that I was a smoker, I covered it up and am TO THIS DAY still hiding it. When my family is coming over, I hide EVERYTHING from ashtrays to pack wraps and lighters. When I go home to visit, I make sure I don't smoke at least a half hour before I go into anyone's house and that I have plenty of Eclipse gum on hand.
I feel like a CHILD. Does anyone have any speculation as to why it's so hard for me to just come clean with my family? THEY ALL SMOKE! I'm not sure why they look at me differently.
Anyway, fellas, there it is. What do you think?

In Peace,

Ipkiss
   
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