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True Story!
 Author: ShyGuy December 1, 2002 at 02:54:12 
    Thanksgiving found me, of all places, in southwest Missouri. And that can mean only one thing: Branson. For those who don't know anything about Branson, imagine smashing Hee-Haw together with Las Vegas, and you'll get some idea of a kind of God-awful ostentatious showmanship unparalleled anywhere. Imagine, if you will, a theater devoted solely to Yakov Smirnoff (if you don't remember him, don't feel bad; his comedy routine was ready for the mothballs long before the Soviet Union was in its death-throws.) or to the Japanese country-fiddler Yogi Tabushi (or something like that).
Anyway, we went to Silver Dollar City, the amusement park-paradise for slack-jawed yokels, set in the 1880's. At the end of this painful incursion into the land of "Uncle Daddy" and "My Mom's my Grandma, too," we went on a visit to an enormous cave, the equivalent of some 55-60 stories down. I love that kind of thing. About half-way through, I thought I caught site of a pack of cigarettes in the hand of this pretty young lady (25-29), with brunette hair. I figured it was a camera, but, when I got a chance to stand close enough to see, my suspicious were confirmed--VS 120's. Why, I wondered, did she carry them throughout the tour (1 hour on foot). She carried a purse and had pockets in her jacket; surely she could have put them away, if she had wished. Was she proud? Was it a kind of badge for her, an indication of long practice, dedication and devotion?
At the end of the tour, we had to scale some 200 steps to a platform, where a train took us the rest of the way out. I made sure I walked up behind VS babe (my wife wondered why I kept letting everyone go ahead of us, and VS Lady wanted to be last). The guide told us it was called "Huff and Puff Hill," yet I didn't break a sweat. If I could only say the same for VS Woman. She coughed and hacked several times, propped herself on the railing against the protective fensing, wheezed, and gasped for air. Mmmm, I love to see someone so young, so addicted, so hopelessly out of shape. The outward beauty concealed her true "inner beauty."
We rode behind her on the car up, but I lost sight of her immediately afterwards. I so wanted to see how long it would take before she lit up, and how hungrily she would consume her cigarette---or was it the cigarette that was consuming her?
    
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