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| Re: Jenny pt7 | |
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| Author: Newportz | November 19, 2002 at 00:51:21 |
| in reply to: Re: Jenny pt7 posted by P on November 18, 2002 at 11:02:18 | |
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Well of course the pregnancy you hinted at earlier would be a nice touch. But more than anything I like the style of the writing. You're able to move the story forward quickly, but in the next sentence you manage to "zoom-in" on the fetish acspects we all like the most. Like the line where jenny's mind shifted to the contrast of her fingers and the white cig. I found that to be particularly special. That's what I like the most, the asides, the comments on her smoking. I like hearing How such every-day tasks are interfered with by Jenny's habit. And the idea of Jenny *wanting* more cigs is amazingly erotic. The only other thing is that, well maybe it's my imagination. But In the first batch of stories we seem to be in Jenny's head a lot more. Let's hear not just what she has to *say*, but let's hear what she *thinks* about herself, her habit, danny, danny's habit. How does she rationalize it. But let me be clear, any way you decide to take this story, it'll be great! Keep it up. BTW I have a little pet peeve about spelling and stuff, so If you ever want an editor, just to fix all the tenses and punctuation/grammar let me know, I post up my e-mail. > Got some good ideas for spin offs comming soon in the Jenny > Saga, would be interested to here of anything you'd all > want to see/read > > Cheers P |
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