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From a newspaper
Author: slimv	August 29, 2001 at 13:59:25

	-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Husband names his wife's killer Man says smoking habit was cause of cancer -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Marie Stoddard's smoking habits changed after she was diagnosed with cancer last summer. Instead of smoking two packs a day, she began smoking three. When she became too weak to light her own cigarettes, her husband would light them for her, because he knew it didn't matter. But when Mrs. Stoddard died Saturday, her husband began her obituary in a certain way because he believed it mattered very much: Marie (Sullivan) Stoddard, 46, of 509A Grafton St., formerly of Weymouth, a state mental health worker, died Saturday, Jan. 8, at home after a struggle with cancer from cigarette smoking. The statement is stark, unequivocal and awfully gutsy. In a culture where lung cancer is stigmatized as a self-inflicted disease and victims are blamed for their illness, Rick Stoddard was not afraid to tell the community that the woman he loved had a habit he hated, a habit that had killed her. "I planned to word her obituary that way even before she died," Mr. Stoddard, 45, said yesterday, while gathering photographs of his wife for her memorial service tomorrow. "Obituaries always say `died at home after a short illness,' or `died after a long illness,' and you never really see what did it. If it's cancer, half the time you know damn well it was because of smoking." Still, despite his resolve to name his wife's killer, Mr. Stoddard said he cringed when he read the obituary in the Sunday Telegram. `IT RIPPED MY HEART OUT' "When I saw it in black and white, it ripped my heart out because it seemed kind of harsh," he said. "I almost felt like I was still nagging her about smoking. But if you knew Marie, she wouldn't have a problem with it." Marie Stoddard was a strong, outgoing woman who had begun smoking in junior high and never managed to kick the habit, despite a trip to a hypnotist and a successful battle against alcoholism. She had been sober for 12 years when she died; she said it was easier to quit drinking than smoking. She was a mental health worker for 10 years. She had a 24-year - old son, Justin, whom she loved, and a husband of 25 years who adored her. She had two dogs, a close family and a large stable of good friends. She suffered a seizure in August and was rushed to the hospital. By the time she was diagnosed with lung cancer, it had already spread to her liver and her brain, and doctors gave her just a few months to live. `IT WAS KILLING HER' "I watched her smoke right up until the end," Mr. Stoddard said. "She couldn't even quit when it was killing her. She'd just sit in the kitchen on her favorite rocking chair, puffing away, one after another." Mrs. Stoddard wanted to stay at her Grafton Street home until her death, and she was cared for with all the devotion her loved ones could provide. On Dec. 18, before a small group of relatives in their kitchen, the Stoddards renewed their wedding vows on their 25th anniversary. On Christmas Day, the family stayed home and talked, and delighted in the snow globe Mr. Stoddard had bought for his wife, the one that played "Silent Night." And when his wife became weakened by the disease and shaken with seizures, her husband began lighting her cigarettes for her. "She told me she knew she was going to die the moment I lit that first cigarette for her," he said. "She knew I hated it. But it wasn't going to make any difference at that point, and it made her happy. I loved my wife and I was going to give her anything she wanted." Mr. Stoddard does not blame his wife for smoking, and neither does the Alliance for Lung Cancer Advocacy, Support and Education, which has dubbed lung cancer "the invisible disease" due to the stigma attached to it. "People feel a tremendous amount of guilt because they smoke," said ALCASE spokeswoman Nadine Jelsing. "But the guilt should fall on the tobacco companies. They perpetuate the myth that smoking is a choice, rather than a terrible addiction that people have to fight ... It was very brave of (Mr. Stoddard) to put that in his wife's obituary. People should not be ashamed to say they have lung cancer." Mr. Stoddard agreed. "Making a choice to smoke cigarettes as a teen-ager is not the same thing as making a choice to put poisonous chemicals in your products," he said. "The tobacco companies knowingly and willingly do it to people. People who say it's a choice haven't smoked two packs a day for 30 years." Smoking is the cause of 80 percent of lung cancer. This year, 171,600 Americans are expected to be diagnosed with the disease; 158,900 Americans are expected to die from it. Mr. Stoddard is less concerned with the statistics than with the insidious grip that smoking has on his loved ones. Justin, who watched his mother die, has smoked cigarettes for 10 years. "It makes me sick that I do," Justin acknowledged. "I'm trying like hell to quit." Mr. Stoddard said he has received positive feedback from the obituary. If it makes anyone uncomfortable, such is the cost of stepping forward and facing down a quiet, deadly killer. Although lung cancer claims the lives of more people than breast, prostate and colon cancer combined, the National Cancer Institute spent $810 for every lung cancer patient last year, compared to $1,922 for breast cancer patients. "I have friends who smoke and a son who still smokes," Mr. Stoddard said. "If this saves the life of one person -- if it helps one person to quit -- it will be worth the squirming I went through. People who smoke say, `Well, at least I'll die happy, doing what I want.' They're wrong. There's not anything happy about it." Dianne Williamson can be reached via e-mail at diannew+Atelegram.com. (Copyright 2000) ©2000 Bell & Howell Learning & Information Services; All Rights Reserved. Only fair use, as provided by the United States copyright law, is permitted. Bell & Howell Learning & Information Services makes no warranty regarding the accuracy, completeness or timelines of the Publications or the records they contain, or any warranty, express or implied, including any warranty of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose, and shall not be liable for damages of any kind or lost profits or other claims related to them or their use.
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